At the end of school last week all the students were called into an assembly to learn about one thing: cyber bully. At first when I heard the term cyber bully I giggled to myself. "How can anyone be mean on the internet?" I said out loud to myself. My experiences on the internet has always been a happy and peaceful one. The thought of bullies like Scut Farkus on the internet just didn't make sense to me! But then, ironically, I learned some things at school...

Most cyber bullies are middle school girls.


Apparently most cyber bullies are little girls. This, of course, is hard to believe mostly due to the fact that there are no girls on the internet. Regardless, if you're being trolled hard or just plain bullied, there's probably a 12 year old girl on the other end of the keyboard. The ratio of male to females on SBboard are 5:1. The ratio of good people to bullies on SBboard are also 5:1.

There is something non-specifically illegal about cyber bullying.


The guy with glasses at the seminar didn't exactly say what was illegal about cyber bullying or what the punishments were, but either way if you're a bully you're a criminal. There was over 8 billion arrests last year for the crime of cyber bullying. That's 2 billion more than the total world population. Were you arrested last year?

Cyber bullying causes death in all cases.


Listen to this story that I was once told: a girl was texting while driving got hit by a car and died. This is unrelated, but was still told to me as a reason not to cyber bully.

Remember: Cyber bullying is a sin?

As I'm sure you all know, I am a black man. But just what kind of black man am I? I am a black man with a fiery cry, I like catcher in the rye, and I'm honest so don't expect me to tell a lie. But more importantly, I am a black man who cares about the state of this company and all it's employees. Being as such, I present to you an idea from my culture that just might be able to raise this company to where it belongs (next to McDonalds and a crack house).

Dark Chocolate Milk

Going off from esteemed team player Desert Cat's idea, the milk produced by both African American males and various species of Chimpanzee could very well be the product this company needs to offset Quirky Hardwork's monopoly once and for all. Why you ask? This handy pie chart will explain everything:



And there you have it, a fool-proof plan that will increase our profit margins by a percentage so large that it does not exist! If you have any questions please direct them to our Customer Services rep, Qrs22.

Now everybody be topical and talk about how funny it is.

It was covered in 2007 by Scientific America that men can lactate. While many would pawn this off as a useless fact they might throw out there at parties, I see it as a fantastic business opportunity. Presenting...


A more expensive milk
Fancy people all around the globe are looking for milk that beats out the milk that poor people drink. Whole milk just doesn't cut it! Sometimes you need something fancier. Father's Milk is the rarest milk of all. Rich people will pay $25 a gallon, making me a rich and happy man.

Competition for cows
Cows have stopped trying their hardest, thinking they're the only milk product that people like. Father's Milk is the most delectible drink in the world, giving the cows a run for their money! The cows will have no other choice but to try harder. Cows milk will taste twice as good, but still not as good as Father's Milk!

Saving the economy
Current America has the worst economy since the Great Depression. Men everywhere are out of work. While most of them are down in spirit, thinking they have no talent, the majority of them also aren't aware that they have the ability to lactate. Once I open up my man milk factories, job openings will open up everywhere. This will result in a richer America, full of working men!
A bad person might under-pay these lactating heroes because they're somewhat desperate for money. Not me. Everyone will get $8 an hour and fantastic vacation days! I'm still working out all the details with President Max, but things'll be pretty good for our workers.

Spin-off products
Would you rather use cow's butter on your toast, or man butter? The answer is obvious. Man butter, dude ice cream, and male shakes! All wont quite be as popular as father's milk, but all will have the same fantastic quality! Soon American will be a nation full of milk produced by male lactation factories.

Desert Cat minus Desert is Cat which is an animal.
Cats usually hang out in packs in my back garden led by their leader, Fat Monty. Fat Monty and his gang's usual day out features kicking back in the most obtrussive place possible and bullying my cat, Fluffy. Their pet peeves are anything that spray water and whatever my brother can find to hurt them with.

Monty and the gang are up to no good!

Interestingly enough there are more than 500 million domestic cats in the world, with 33 different breeds, which is suprising if you consider that a cat's mother carrys it around by the neck which my Dad once tried to do to me and my brother when we were hitting each other with tennis rackets. We were then told to make up and we both retreated sulkily to our bedrooms to write notes that we would sticky tape to each other's doors about how the other was a dickhead and should get some friends (at one point I actually painted 'goon' in red paint on his door).

This is a picture of us in a greater mood.

The American cat population reached nearly 68 million in 1996. American Demographics magazine estimates that's about 200 million kitty yawns per hour and a whopping 425 million catnaps each day! Wowzers!
Did you know that that is the equivilent of the amount of recreational drugs that Cameron gets duped out of each week? No joke, read his blog facebook sometime.

A drug abuser breathing cocaine or catnip (you decide!) into his nose.

In English, cat is "cat." In French, cat is "Chat." In German, your cat is "katze." The Spanish word for cat is "gato," and the Italian word is "gatto." Japanese prefer "neko" and Arabic countries call a cat a "kitte."
There is no joke in this fact.

This cat doesn't want to hear your jokes.

The research behind this post was supplied by http://www.catscans.com/facts.htm

Forum Status
No Mindstage Month unofficially started on the first of the month. While originally the head of the Figure Stuff Out Department, Desert Cat, though the idea was bad, it actually brought new life to SBboard.

Captain Hook bumped year old topics while questioning proof of the past. But did he really?

Pocket had the brilliant idea of creating everyday a holiday! This led to an educated discussion about birthdays, and then a new business rule to always attend birthday parties.

After weeks of trying Captain Hook finally got a job at SBboard, and President Max was not happy. Desert Cat explained to him that it was all okay, because Captain Hook's job was in a defunct division of SBboard. However, Captain Hook was so excited about his new job he resurrected the SBboard Department of Defense and Espionage and started posting riddles in every topic.

Green Light continues to make appearances on the board most everyday, but has yet to speak to anyone. The general public waits.

Website Status
While the new SBboard website was expected to launch early this month, chances of that happening are growing slimmer and slimmer. Mars has shown up for work on a regular basis, but appears to be spending most of his time playing Team Fortress 2. When asked about how things were going, Mars made beeping noises and started walking out of the room backwards. Hopefully we'll have more information on things next week.

New Hires:
Captain Hook - Secretary of the SBboard Department of Defense and Espionage